Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize