I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
