i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's blow job season.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i need some magic done to my vagina
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
