Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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