i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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