So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
please don't ironically join a cult
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