i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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