I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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