Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize