You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
