Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
