I'm really into asian looking animals
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize