Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
