I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
