highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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