so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize