Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
