Only a mothe r could love this liver
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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