Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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