I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
