The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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