i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
