you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
