What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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