we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
