i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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