Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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