I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
