life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
