Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
