I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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