I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
