Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
