dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
