atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
