i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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