he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
