Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
