I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
