Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize