I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
