I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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