The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
