another moral hangover. fuck.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
