Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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