Swine flu. Run for my life!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
