I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
