Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
