I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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