First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
