i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
