I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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