How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
