Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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