Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
