he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
