Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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