1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
