If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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