he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize