Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I want her autograph on my taint
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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