Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
