She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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