so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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