Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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