So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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