two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
