you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
