My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Terrible idea I love it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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