Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
