This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
