Jerry, you need to find god
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
