Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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