Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
