So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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