If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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