Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
