Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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