i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
