she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
