Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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