I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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