I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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