I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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