i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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