HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
