there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
