i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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