He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
