I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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