he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
