a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
