Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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